New Beginnings

This is about the slump in life during the period of Pandemic and New Beginnings.

It was the fag end of 2019 somewhere around the time when I was in the process of working on executing the plan for 2020. Life seemed to be good. The first semester exams were done and dusted. I had met some of the goals for 2020, which was satisfying enough, considering the limitations that were imposed by changing locations and the uncertainty associated with it. The news about COVID-19 seemed distant was just a whimper which would not likely affect me. Greater restrictions imposed by the pandemic were yet to come and did not seem close enough. So were my thoughts on Christmas of 2019. Only later will it loom large that all my major goals would be stalled, as we would get restricted inside our homes during the lockdown. I did not know that it was good or bad that I was delayed in launching my best-laid plans in January 2020.  Retrospection has made me perceive that all this happened for the good.

Man proposes but God disposes. In early 2020 I felt that I had got delayed in launching the coaching business for which I had worked for and had dreamt as something for which I was ready to invest all my energy. But, in the hindsight, it proved to be a blessing in disguise, courtesy, some unforeseen circumstances and my lackadaisical approach to handling inertia of this type, the project had got delayed. It was soon when March 2020 arrived while I debated launching my project, which brought the full impact of the pandemic – SARS-CoV-2 hit us in India. Just like a tsunami hitting the shores in a frenzy of destruction, the economy went into a dive roll, I read about many new ventures packing up. It was a sad sight to see that the newly inaugurated restaurant which had yet to start attracting clients had shut down. The board which the management had put up on the closed gate read, “We will be waiting when you return after the Pandemic.” It never felt amusing, despite their best efforts to make people smile.

It was in March 2020 that I decided to sit out and wait for the pandemic to get over before I would work on my plans again. While it was not the best of the situations but the optimist in me told me that waiting would allow me to rework and do more research. This would give me time to polish up the project and instil greater confidence in me. As I punch these lines it has now been two years when I had started planning for the Project. Later events would show me how blessed I was not to have taken off in the rough waters, which were an outcome of the pandemic. The economy as people like me understand which is quite different from the share markets, had suffered and was on a downward spiral. For many it became a struggle – either you survived and lived to see another day or perish in the endeavour to be successful. The rest of 2020 is all about the stories of struggle, most of which are not told. I would not say that it true for everyone, but it was true for me and 2021 would make it sound even more convincingly true. While almost everything that the media threw up was either ugly or depressing, there were great stories of people who did the good work. There were doctors and nurses, the common people going about doing what needed to be done. Theirs were the stories that motivated me more than anything else. Theirs was the best story to be told, but the media houses drunk on sensationalism rarely ventured out to highlight such stories.  

All the goodness of being home with almost nothing pressing to do had felt awesome initially. There were stories to share, movies to watch, debates to participate in, a book to read and new tools to discover. We had all got accustomed to being online for work and education. Calls got converted to video calls. Felt good to see people from the past life and hear their stories. There was a certain enthusiasm as I told my own stories to my friends and families with whom I had not interacted in a long time. It was good to read how the population had gone down because most people were locked down in their respective homes if not quarantined. It felt good, so much so that we often talked of blessings that could be attributed to the pandemic. The first wave ebbed away in September 2020 and it seemed that everything would soon open up and life would become normal. My hopes grew again and I again started to talk about launching my dream. But this time I was sceptic – the Western countries were going through the second wave and it posed caution on my unassuming self. I wanted to wait some more.

The new year 2021 took off with much of the cheer muffled due to the struggles of my own family. I was neither as enthusiastic nor as happy as I normally am in the period of Yuletide. There were good things happening but I was not happy with many things of my own. Worry, frustration, anger and reluctance to get up and do something was eating away the cookies in my life. I was not cycling, I was not listening to music, I was not reading anything worthwhile, I was not writing. I had stopped my meditation practice altogether. On certain days I suffered so much that even shaving seemed to be a pain. All this in spite of certain milestones which were a cause of celebrations, like my son going off to work. I tried to keep up the good demeanour and a happy face but something inside was dying faster than me. So far 2021 has thrown up more bad news than the good one. Till 2020, the fatalities due to the SARS-CoV-2 or the coronavirus as it is popularly referred to, were mere numbers, part of some statistics. 2021 saw these statistics becoming names. Many in the known circles suffered, some died too. All this was surely not helping me. Quarantined in-home felt like a prison. Somehow we existed, not the way I would even in bad situations. There was so much to do yet the desire seemed to have ebbed away. The third semester had got over and I had done reasonably well. I had caught up on my reading, which was one of the few things that the pandemic allowed me. I also improved my skills in the kitchen. At least, now I can survive on my own without the need to buy cooked food. But then there is a limit to all this and one can do it only that much. I yearned to get out as much as my family. Being an introvert I do not find it boring to stay at home. I need internet, books, music and coffee to sustain weeks without the need to go out. I can be pretty innovative that way but pandemic pushed me to my threshold. It was then that we decided that we would go out to Goa. The impromptu plan supported by my friends in Goa egged us on and the four days in Goa were hugely rewarding to us all. There were stories to share and stories to be captured for the future. We returned home much happier and eager to get on with our lives.

Soon we all got infected by COVID-19. First was my wife then my son and finally me. The better half’s condition deteriorated to such an extent that she required intimate medical care and ended up spending 16 days in the hospital. Only later I would learn how critical was her condition.  By God’s grace and the great work of the good folks at the hospital, she recovered. While she was in the hospital fighting it out, I and my son somehow managed ourselves and were soon on the path to recovery. We are very grateful to all the people who supported us during this lowest ebb we faced as a family. While we were still recovering, the elder one got COVID-19 in Bangaluru. Quarantined and all alone, only a head as mature has his and shoulders as strong as his could have got him on the path of recovery. He roughed it out pretty well and I am grateful to the creator for this blessing. As we fully recover from the traumatic experience, we all have seen new light in small things which we took for granted. 

To laugh when we can, to help when we can, to reach out to people when we can, to cherish our blessings when we can and experience gratitude when we can and to strive as much as we can to be happy is probably all that the life is made up of. This single insight is what makes up the next phase of life and this is what I call New Beginnings.